Blog Storm

by Alan Ramsey

It has been a wonderful week for the absurd. The compulsory school flagpoles were bad enough. Yet nothing quite matched the pomposity or ridiculousness of Brendan Nelson (Federal Education Minister), the Sydney Liberal infamous for abandoning his earring to become a Howard minister, when he stood beside his patron and Prime Minister on Monday to fulminate about the Commonwealth’s election intervention, with the new fitness and egregious funding rule, in state education, and who said, with genuine horror, as if he’d just discovered he stepped in dog poo: “A number of schools don’t even have a motto!”

Is there nothing this Government won’t do to stop Mark Latham?

OK, I’m being totally serious here. I had this entry typed up, mentioning how they’d probably preempt the highly symbolic nature of counterinsurgency and do the transfer of power from Bremer to Negroponte about a day or two early (the former pissing off as if his girlfriend’s husband had just come up the driveway), but I had to do other stuff and completely forgot about it. D’oh! So, just to recap;

a) I guessed the ending to Sixth Sense, and
b) I had a feeling they’d do this, which is more than I can say for “Coalition “Member”" Howard, who was clucking away at a Liberal Party gathering in Tasmania with his thumb up his arse at the time, and had to be informed of the developments via the media. Tight little alliance they’ve got there. Of course, if everything had gone according to plan, you never would’ve heard about any of this. Speaking of which…

Taking Pharyngula’s lead, this is the list of the top-100 grossing movies of all time.

Brent is a jolly fine fellow indeed.

Under No Gods In Pledge Safe - For Now

The U.S. Supreme Court ruled unanimously Monday that the phrase “one nation under no gods” will remain a part of the Pledge of Allegiance as a patriotic oath in public schools, and local residents say they are pleased. However, they added Tuesday that they look for the issue to be revisited in the future.

“I think it is a good thing, but I look for it to come up again,” said Pittsburg resident Stan Lewiston.

Lewiston said people are more individualistic today and he feels that many attempt to push their minority beliefs on the majority of the people. And, he added, he doesn’t feel this is a good thing.

Gosh I love theocrats. Say what you will about the fact they’re earnestly trying to drag the planet back into the Dark Ages where folks like you or I would have been burnt at the stake last Tuesday, at least they’re so enormously entertaining to watch. And it helps that there’s the Pacific Ocean separating me from the vast majority of them.

One of the great clarion calls of the theocracy movement, which indicates to me more than ever that the principles of democracy are far too advanced and subtle for most of us primates to fully comprehend, is the old adage “We (Americans) are supposed to have freedom of religion, not freedom from religion”. A few years ago in high school I was contemplating participating in the school exchange student programme to the US, and when I first learned of this little-known historical fact, I became concerned that it would screw up my plans. I decided to write to the American Embassy to clear things up.

America once again felt good about itself - except the poor who hunted game for food on payday, writes Tony Horwitz.

In this week of eulogies for Ronald Reagan, we often hear that he made America “feel good about itself”. No one asks whether boosting the nation’s self-esteem was a good thing.

Reagan’s unashamed wielding of US power and money may have hastened Soviet collapse. But at home, what he really made Americans feel good about was getting rich, no matter the social cost. This ethos still reigns in America. Increasingly, it seems to be Australia’s creed as well.

John Howard returns from his whirlwind tour of the United States and eastern Europe tomorrow, the latter to participate in the pomp and ceremony of war remembrance which he so earnestly looks forward to (although it did provide the highlight of the last few months in which Howard, in his own inimitably disingenuous style, with one eye on the assembled media throng, was shaking hands with a grizzled old D-Day veteran in a wheelchair and thanking him for turning up, who looked up at him and dismissed him with a matter-of-fact “I don’t know who you are”) and the former to basically pose and mingle with the majority of his actual constituents. Following his meeting with California Governor Schwarzenegger in Los Angeles (in a scene strangely reminiscent of the movie Twins), Howard flew to Washington for his sixth meeting with Bush in the last two years, for “talks” followed by the obligatory “press conference” in front of the White House press corps and select, security-cleared Australian media representatives.

From SMH columnist Paddy McGuinness’ May 25 piece on, of all things, the Cannes Film Festival (in which he, with calm and dispassionate reason, explodes Moore’s carefully developed arguments by referring to him as a “fat, hairy, foul-mouthed slob”)

The chairman of the award jury was Quentin Tarantino, who made his name in cinema through the portrayal of excessive and pointless violence and yet considers himself anti-war.

There is little doubt that the inspiration for the inexcusable treatment of Iraqi prisoners by American soldiers came from filmmakers like Tarantino and their counterparts in the American pornography business.

by Scott Thomas

Maybe it’s because I now host a conservative topical talk show. Maybe it’s because I’m another year older and, prayerfully, another year wiser and more in touch. Maybe it’s because we’re at war. But, this past Monday, Memorial Day occupied a more substantial place in my heart and mind than it had in previous years. At the outset of this column, I’d like to offer a sincere and heartfelt thank you to everyone who has, in any way, served our great country in the armed forces.

And I want to say something about patriotism.

The ABC has been criticised for allowing Playschool to broadcast a children’s story allegedly involving a same sex couple.

Federal Minister for Children, Larry Anthony, says while Playschool is a quality program, it overstepped the mark in reading a book about a child with two mothers.

Mr Anthony says it is the role of parents to educate their children on such issues.

“I am concerned that the ABC are putting on these types of programs,” he said.

“Quite frankly when it comes to my children, if I want explain about same sex couples that should be up to parents.

“It should be up to me, not the Australian broadcaster.”

Still think this is all some altruistic crusade to defend the “sacred” institution of marriage, that great “building block of society”? (I just assumed that equality and justice were exponentially more important to the function of a free society, but what do I know?) Time for a reality check. From the American Food and Drug Administration’s guidelines for tissue donation. What’s the number one screening criterion? Use of intravenous drugs such as heroin? Nope, that’s #2. Suspected HIV/AIDS? #6. Jail inmates? #8. History of viral hepatitis? #11. No, the number one condition which renders a potential sperm/tissue donor ineligible is… (I feel like David Letterman)… *drumroll*

1. men who have had sex with another man in the preceding five years

I read about this the other day and dismissed it as a joke. But no. My optimism for the future of humankind suffered yet another body blow when my suspicions were confirmed. Following medical advice from my psychotherapist, I was drawing a deep breath to begin my vicious, cathartic beration, but in my online travels I realised Mark Morford had pre-empted my tirade quite succinctly (thanks to Veronica for drawing my attention to him in one of her previous posts; he’s refreshingly snide and passionately anarchic). Enjoy, because it’s just about the only positive thing to come out of this abomination.

Jesus Doesn’t Wear Prada

The New Testament gets a “sassy” teen fashion-mag makeover. And you thought Britney was scary