1. What is the middle name of the first person you ever slept with?
Shit, good question. I have no idea if she even HAS a middle-name, even though I knew her since primary school. Oops?
2. What kind of underwear are you wearing and what color?
These red jockey things, nothing special. I don’t know how guys can wear boxers; they’re so annoying and uncomfortable. I suppose they don’t require much support, but that’s their business, not mine.
3. What is the song you want played at your Funeral?
Why the fuck should I care? It’s not like I’ll be there to bask in the maudlin appropriateness of it all. I suppose the stock response is “Knocking On Heaven’s Door”, but that would be rediculously trite (and presumptuous).
4. What Would Your Last Meal be before getting executed?
Oh, I don’t know. It’s all empty ceremony anyway. Just get on with it.
5. Beatles or Stones?
Beatles. *NEWSFLASH* World’s biggest Led Zeppelin fan can’t stand the Rolling Stones.
6. If you had to pick one person on earth who should die, who would it be?
Ray Romano.
7. The person whose problems you would never want to hear again?
The person who wrote this clearly had someone in mind when they thought up this question, but that doesn’t mean I do too.
8. What is the thing most important to you (as far as physical) about the preferred sex?
I have a noticeable weakness for brown eyes. And I’m with George Costanza in the pouty lips department. But really, there are exceptions to every rule I can conceivably think up. It’s more of a complex combination of many physical things. But then, if it’s not combined with an appreciable level of intelligence and wit, the rest doesn’t matter to me.
9. Do you secretly hate some of your friendsters but are too nice to reject them?
What’s a friendster? Do I care? No.
10. If you could have any super power what would it be?
Flying of course. Invisibility would be interesting, but that’s probably just my depraved side talking.
11. Favorite hangover cure?
Water and Vitamin B tablets, followed by something Italian or Mexican.
12. How many drinks does it take to get you drunk?
The question is misleading, because it’s not about quantity, it’s about frequency. I would say 4 schooners (half-pints) in an hour would be a good start.
13. Favorite Outkast lyric?
N/A.
14. Hair color you most like someone you’re dating to have?
Chestnut to dark brown. But I’m not fussed. As long as it’s not weird. Like grey. Or green. Or white. Or not there.
15. If you had to be blind or deaf?
Deaf. Sight is a far more significant and well-developed sense.
16. Do you have any psychiatric problems?
Nothing official, but I can be slightly neurotic and self-destructive at times. Antisocial. Tactless. Aggressively opinionated. Apparently I drive people nuts in arguments because I refuse to get angry and just go all cold, detached and Vulcan-esque on them. I suppose these are more idiosyncrasies than psychiatric problems, but I warned you.
17. Siblings that should go to rehab?
What? That’s rather… bitchy isn’t it? My family isn’t that dysfunctional.
18. Least favorite month?
Each is pretty much as good as the last.
19. First movie you can remember seeing as a kid?
I can’t remember the very first, but I recall watching Return of the Jedi on video until I knew it off by heart.
20. Favorite person in the whole world?
Hmm… Conan!!! I love Conan. I wish he was my dad or something. Or my cat. He’s a small, fat, furry, lazy, naked person.
21. When’s the last time you went on a date?
Date? I spit on the word. Do I look like a desperate 30-something businessman with a receding hairline living in Manhattan looking for a wife? Pfft, “date”. I’ll stick a gun in my mouth if I ever find myself “dating”.
22. Do you like violent movies or dirty movies?
Violent.
23. Fall or spring?
Autumn.
24. Person you most wish you hadn’t made out with?
Nobody. I have impeccably high standards.
25. If you are straight, what person of the same sex would you do it with?
I honestly can’t think of anyone. I’m not being homophobic or faux-macho, that’s the truth.
26. Where do you want to live when you are old and brittle?
A stone keep in Nepal.
27. Who is the person you can count on most?
Myself.
28. If you could date any celebrity past or present, time and age are not factors?
I’d fight Gandhi.
29. What books have you pretended you’ve read?
The entire Narnia series. I fucking hate CS Lewis, but my mother bought them for me when I was little, so I didn’t want her to think I wasn’t grateful.
30. What’s a word you would use to describe your life?
Existing.
31. Favorite drinking game?
Drink While You Think! And there’s one where you try and bounce a coin into a shot-glass. If you do so successfully, you nominate who has to drink. I suck at it terribly, and I’m always getting picked on when others in the circle succeed, which is probably why I enjoy it more than it probably warrants from a sober perspective.
32. What did you dream last night?
I rarely, if ever, remember my dreams.
33. Favorite bands?
Yawn.
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